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How the “Crocodiel Hunter” would help with Security
Last week’s events in Chicago are a horrid reminder of last year’s attacks on first base coach Charlie Gamboa. There was a major difference this time though, it was one attacker and he picked the wrong guy. First base umpire Laz Diaz is an ex-marine and is built like a NFL linebacker. He didn’t look like he needed much help in subduing his attacker.
There was, as always, the question of, “where was the security?” If you noticed, there were two security personnel on the scene before the attentive Royals’ bench. Sure, the should’ve got to the out-of-work drunk (who’s going to hire that stud now?) before he stepped onto the field, but you can’t have personnel lined elbow to elbow to protect from that.
The recent cell phone tossing also complicates the issue of security as well. Which brings me to a couple notes on that subject:
1) The lawyer for the phone slinger said that there was no evidence that his client was aiming for Carl Everett. Note: He hit him in the HEAD. Also, where else would you be aiming it…the grass?
2) Carl! Why didn’t you call your lawyer from that phone? Heck, why didn’t you call to order some sushi…from Japan?!
So how can this problem be fixed so that we have no future problems? Jason Stark of ESPN.com has started off the suggestions by pointing out he need to end beer sales after the 7th inning. While good in general concept, one must consider two things. First, that these offenders are usually overly intoxicated when the get to the park. Second, is that perpetrators like this will stock up before concessions close. That’s general psychology when it comes to people like this.
Measures do need to be taken though. Watching baseball is not a civilized as it once was. There are already some examples of how this type of behavior is curtailed in other sports. The Philadelphia Eagles for instance have installed a court and jail cells in their stadium to counter this type of stupidity. Get your sentencing right away, and if the crime is bigger, you can sit in a jail cell the rest of the game before the cops take you to a higher court. That way you can hear the cheers of the crowd while the game is going on, not knowing what is going on in the game.
Another measure could be to have two security personnel at each set of gates, not each gate, just each set of gates. They would glance through the crowd of incoming fans to find the blatantly drunk, like the secret service looks for someone walking around in a crowd madly waving a gun around.
Sure, both of these options are costly, but it will save the teams millions in potential lawsuits and it could be paid for through revenue sharing and would cost way less than Albert Belle’s current contract (and they’ll see some actual benefit).
Also, give the team some more power. That way a perp. is prosecuted by the law, sued by the coach, the umpire, or the player who is attacked can sue, throwing in the team as a third party. Why not? Look at it this way, the crime took place on the team’s property. The owner is damaged in the turnstiles and by media coverage of the event and eventual fallout (Doug Mientkiewicz smug remark). So why not give the team the ability to seek compensation for an idiot’s work? But put up a large sign about it and have PA systems at each gate informing the fans as they come in. It could be that same voice tat you hear at the airport, “The white zone is for loading and unloading only.”
But lets examine some other ways the security at the game can be improved. Yet this time on the lighter side. There are some less logical ways to improve safety and security like:
The installation of “boards” around the field like in hockey. These clear shields between the fans and the players on the field would stop people from jumping onto the field, it would also stop interference of kids reaching over in Baltimore and changing the outcome of playoff games.
Or, how about the hiring of “Crocodile Hunter” type security personnel who are perched on top of the dugouts like snipers? Not only can they shoot a tranquilizer into a rushing fan, they can give “interesting” commentary on the game and how a certain play relates to rugby.
Even more interesting, how about a taiser for each player, coach, and ump in the game? Every time someone in the game gets attacked, that person can defend himself. The rest of the team can join in on the shocking fun as well. The main drawback though would be diving for a ball and setting off the taiser, making it quite a “shocking” play.
Although, I believe the best would be the outfitting of a golf cart like a high-speed police car, lights and all, would be the most fun. You could have an officer perched on the back with either one of those guns that shoots shirts into the crowds between innings, or outfit him with a lasso and time him on his rodeo skills.
Sure, this is not really a laughing matter, something has to be done. This may be an insane proposal, but how about the leaders of the commissioner’s office, the player’s association, and umpire’s union get together in one room and figure something out on this subject. Sorry, delirium overtook me for a second.
